seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
