We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
