i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
