talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
