worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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