No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
