READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
