I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
