$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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