She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
