You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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