well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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