I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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