we have pet lesbian snakes
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
