Whod you bang
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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