That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
