Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
