I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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