I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
