new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
