Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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