My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't deserve a penis
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
