i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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