Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
