this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
