You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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