24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
