There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
