What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
