i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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