Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
