I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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