I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
