The maid of honor just puked.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
