dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
