I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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