Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
