You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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