dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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