Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.