do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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