Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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