I faked an abortion last night.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
