i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
