It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
