I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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