i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
