We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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