just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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