On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
