A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
