i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
