remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
