I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she peed on how many people?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
