Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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