Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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