I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
