dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize