Quick, to the slutcave!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
