ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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