I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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