Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
3pm strippers are depressing
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
