I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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