O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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