It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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