apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
